I really don't know what is wrong with me - yesterday I hit my lowest weight in years, and I ate like crazy. Today I got on the scale and was only up half a pound, so I did the same, or at least I felt like it!
I bought a bag of Goldfish at Target yesterday when I was getting a baby gift. I ate the whole thing today. Some in the morning on the the way to my friend's place, the rest around 8 pm after another friend left. I didn't eat this in front of anyone...something interesting to think about? 840 calories
Half an onion bagel, scooped and toasted, a scraping of cream cheese, red onion and tomato, and probably about 2 ounces of nova. 400? Large handful of thick potato chips. (300?)
2 Jello cheesecake snacks, 130 calories each. Delicious but NOT sugar free. 260 calories
This is NOT good! Why am I sabotaging myself? I've done this before. I really don't want to do it again.
OK. It wasn't as bad as it could have been. It's still under 2000 calories. I've done so much worse in the past.
How am I going to change this?
1. More water - I did make a point of drinking a glass of water in the morning, and some water before I ate my bagel HALF!
2. Planning out food. Not sure exactly how, but I went shopping today and got more string cheese, cottage cheese, plain yogurts, and other healthy foods. Maybe should've gotten some turkey? We'll see. I have no morning restriction, so I will try to eat breakfast.
I dunno...I'm going back to work tomorrow, which I hope won't be quite so crazy as last week. In response to Gen's question, I am doing document review the entire time, evaluating and categorizing 2,000,000 documents for a big litigation matter. I can't visit blogs or make comments when I am at work, although I do try to read a few on Google Reader...
G'night.
Getting a lap-band to be healthy and even more gorgeous ;)
Getting a lap-band so as not to let weight decide what I do and how I live my life.
I know exactly what you are going through!! I too have been sabotaging myself. I have been making some food choices that are questionable. I am hoping that tomorrows #2 Fill gives me some restriction so that I don't want to eat all the time!! Good luck with your eating, too!!
ReplyDeletehang tight..the fills will kick in eventually. Just try and temper the derailments as much as you can. I have been trying out this technique of pretending I am someone I am not...
ReplyDeleteso I act in a play where I am an athlete. I love to ride my bike. I set goals and I go after them...etc...Maybe you can 'act' like you have restriction...It might not work perfectly but might get you started on the right track?
I listend to a guy on a radio program talk about how his 'acting' has helped him turn his life into a successful one with wieght loss and writing...Let me know if you give it a try and how it works for you. Mine will be in my walking the wobbly line blog.
Tina
Hang in there Yana! I am proud of you that you are noticing this difficult time and asking yourself why. You got some great advice above too.
ReplyDeleteWhile I am a baby bandster, and I really hope this doesn't start a fight!!... I am beginning to feel the hunger kick back in and had a tough day eating wise yesterday. My plan for today-- follow the rules we have from our docs:
Protein first, then veggies, then carbs.
Drinking BETWEEN meals, but not with food.
Seems like you're opting for more carbs-- and that may be making you extra crave-y. Can you try an "Atkins" type day, where you allow yourself to eat any lean protein, but stay away from bread and crackers?
Finally: try to stay away from PROCESSED foods today (goldfish, as an example.) The preservatives could be causing cravings too!
Just my HUMBLE opinion-- I know not of what you speak and am just telling you what I'd tell myself!!!
In any case: good luck and this too shall work itself out.
Being self-aware is a good first step to figuring out what's going on and how to change it. You've just jumped back into an office environment in a really stressful, abrupt way. Talk about 0 to 100 in 6 seconds! Hang in there and remember (as others have told me in my moaning about the scale), nothing is forever. You'll get through this.
ReplyDeleteThere was a point in Bandster Hell where I had to just ban certain foods from my environment - crackers and chips were big problems for me. I know it is really hard at this point, but don't allow yourself to buy that stuff in the first place and you will be half way there. Your strategy of planning ahead is essential at this stage, and will help a bunch!
ReplyDeleteGood luck with work, I can imagine how stressful (and boring at times) it must be. Do you at least have a decent group of people to review with?
It is hard Yana, I am right there with you. My first fil is Wed and I hope it gives me a little restriction because right now I have none. I feel like I haven't even been banded at this point and have fallen back into my old eating habbits. Keep the faith. With more fills it has to work for us. IT HAS TO!!
ReplyDeletewater, water, water. it is my only focus right now and it is helping me a lot with staying "full" and going to straight to substaintial proteins and not fillers.
ReplyDeletego back to the 10 band basics. this is the time to learn them before you can cause yourself pain or harm when restriction really comes.
hang in there....
I have better luck sticking to a plan when I am at work. Then I go home and everything goes into my mouth. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteHi, Yana!! I think it's great that you are writing out a plan.
ReplyDeleteOne thing that I'd add to that list is -- when you are about to eat something -- take a few seconds to ask yourself if you are really hungry or if you are eating for another reason (stress, bordeom, to take a break, b/c something yummy is there, etc.). If you are hungry, eat something. If not, don't.
I am fully aware that this is not as simple as it sounds, but it's a really helpful thing to start doing now and continue doing indefinitely. I still find myself looking for a snack sometimes or wanting to eat something when I'm not hungry. Taking those few seconds to ask myself whether I'm actually hungry has saved me a lot of calories that I didn't even really want, much less need.
Hope that helps! This will get easier once you're at restriction.
Catherine
Also -- if you find yourself binging on something, don't be afraid to throw it in the garbage. Like on the Goldfish -- next time, if you are overdoing it, throw out the bag (or give it to someone else) before you finish it. For 840 calories, you could have eaten something way tastier and more satisfying.
ReplyDeleteI've done this when I buy ice cream. I only buy a pint at a time, and I buy a pint once every few months. Sometimes I can handle eating a little at a time, and other times, I find myself going back again and again for more -- not because I'm hungry, but just because it tastes good and is there.
When that happens, I have my last bite or whatever and pour hot water into the container and dump the rest of the ice cream. It's wasteful, but the alternative is me eating the whole thing when I don't really even want it and am not hungry. I really try to make an effort not to sabotage myself, but I'm far from perfect. I guess the important thing is to be aware of what you're doing and find ways to stop behavior that doesn't serve your overall plan.
OK, that's enough posting from me today! Hope all is well with you and look forward to catching up with you in person before too long!
So I thought I had some good restriction last week after my fill and I guess I did for a few days. Now that the it's been a week, I can eat as much as I did before - which is just plain scary.
ReplyDeleteThis weekend I tried to be so good and bring so many healthy choices along on our trip, but something snapped and I ended up eating way more than I had planned (although still much less than pre-band) and eating stuff I thought I could stay away from (a taquito from 7 Eleven for example).
I think what is important is that we both realize when we are making a mistake and we try hard to get back to it as soon as possible. We're going to have more bad days where we choose the wrong stuff and eat too much of it - its a part of life.
I am trying to focus on having those days get farther and farther apart. Maybe right now it is one day every 10 days. I would love to get to a point where it is only one day out of every month. We're only human after all!
Yana, I beg you to go to a site like www.sparkpeople.com or www.myfitnesspal.com where you can track your food intake. It's helping me more than I can tell you, because if I eat it, I HAVE to track it...and then you can really see what you ate (not guessing at it, which as we all know, we never guess enough). I'm in hell with you right now too, but I'm measuring everything (no eyeballing for me...my eyes see a thin person in the mirror, so I sure don't trust them to tell me how much a tablespoon of cream cheese is! lol!) For me, water seems to just make my stomach gurgle and make me feel hungrier...but logging all my food intake is helping me control things until I get my first (or second or third or fourth) fill.
ReplyDeleteGood luck, angel!! I hope you find a suggestion here that helps you out! I'm definitely going to take a few of them! :) Take care!
gilly