up and down, up and down

This morning, I jumped on the scale and was down another two pounds, bringing me to 230.5!!! An amazing number...I went off to work with the idea that I would definitely hit the next decade on Friday...and then proceeded to eat:
100 cal rice crispy bar
handful of doritos
100 cal pecan sandies
6 almonds
an entire sicilian slice of pizza
2/3 of a minestrone soup, no pasta
few more doritos
100 cal bag chocolate covered pretzels
then went to dinner, and  his shy Thai wife who I was meeting for the first time, barely spoke english, and lovingly presented a beautiful feast...she had made a chicken/apple salad that I had one spoon of with one deep fried wonton, a cherry tomato, some lovely deep friend shrimp and a veggie stir fry. I left a bit on my plate, but felt it would have been rude to Thank god no rice. And of course, I brought a cake, a Russian napolean of which I had a small slice, and DIDN'T finish, along with tea with milk and a little spoon of sugar.

Got on the scale when I came home...stupid, I know...234 lbs. A visit to the loo brought it down to 233.5. What is wrong with me!!!!???????? 220 something has been evading me FOREVER!!! I tried on a bunch of suits this morning - they are all still tight, but there are size 16s in my closet that close! They look lumpy still, but I can pull them up and zip them and button them...do you know how long it has been since I could do that? I pulled a blazer out of the sisterhood pile because I hate wearing stuff that is too tight, and I haven't picked up dry cleaning - I felt ridiculous in it, cause it was so big...why can't I keep my mouth shut and not...

WAIT A MINUTE...

OK, the list of food isn't perfect from a bandster perspective, but I think this just means I need a fill...the fact that i can eat an entire slice of sicilian pizza - that's like deep dish pizza...lots of dough. Not enough protein, so of course I am getting hungry. And it's been over a month since my last fill. And even with the most stressful work situation of my life, I haven't gained weight. I ate a few hundred calories of junk food. I had ONE slice of pizza - not three! I left cake on my plate!

I will probably not hit 220-something tomorrow, and that is disappointing, but it's ok - I will hit it. If not tomorrow, then next week. I need to figure out when my next fill is, because I am sure that will help a lot. I also need to eat more protein. Need to get yogurts, I think. And maybe make some chicken salads. With apple. No fried wonton!