Then life started to happen. I was losing weight. I started a new job. Was hellish. Adjusted. Worked some more. Decided to buy a house. Spend time worrying about loan applications (now) and how to pay for the wide plank flooring that I love.
Also, I'm at what I think is a "normal" weight. I'm just under 225, but I fit into most size 16s, even if they don't all look great. I don't feel like the OBESE girl anymore. I don't recognize the photos of me from a year ago
Also, I am absolutely horrified at the amount of food on the plate in front of me. And you can see how lopsided my boobs are. Oh well.
(PS that top is an XL from Anne Taylor or something like that!)
BUT!!! I've been having negative thoughts for a while. About how I have ONLY lost about 55 lbs (I think it is 60, but officially only 55) and I am a lap band loser. I am doing that BAD thing where I am comparing myself to other people. People who had surgery around the same time I did or later, and have lost more.
Now, it could be because I don't really exercise (you know when I do, because I brag about it here) and I eat crap. Like today. I had a (small) bag of potato chips and a pack of Hostess cupcakes. That was my balanced dinner.
And I know I am not getting enough protein, because my hair has just started to fall out. I've been thinking about that for days, and buying protein shakes and not drinking them. I've been bringing lunch to work and getting take out with my coworkers instead of eating my protein packed servings. BOOOO!!
I was also PB'ing A LOT and having bad reflux. I was thinking maybe I am too tight and I need another unfill, but I've been feeling a lot better in the last few days so I think I am fine. My idea was that if I am a wee bit tight, if I lose weight then I won't be anymore! Look at how clever I am!
And I don't blog enough. It keeps me on track. But I can't do it from work AT ALL!!! I sit right next to my paralegal at the same desk (!) and my boss is three feet away, facing my screen. So there is absolutely NO lap-band business at work, not even in google reader. But I am gonna try, I really am. I am gonne try to drink more water, eat more protein, exercise and BLOG!
I think I've also fallen into a bad cycle, because I am a bad commenter, although I read, and since I've not been writing too much, I don't get a lot of comments. And I totally feed off of your support and feedback. And there is a little part of me that feels like I am not one of the popular bloggers, because you all are emailing and texting and facebooking it up...I'm being silly, right?
Hey,
ReplyDeleteI totally get how you feel about not being able to post as much as you might like because 'blogging hours' are restricted and you're not part of the facebook / comment loop. I can't post or comment at all from work - blog sites are restricted (but we can read 'em) and the last comment I had was about 5 months ago. But - I keep blogging, even when I feel like I'm talking to myself, because it keeps me on track. That's what it's about - do what you need to do to keep focus, blogging or keeping a paper journal or just talking to a friend daily, because you're worth the time & effort.
-Take care
If this helps at all, it was YOUR blog that brought me into this whole wonderful blogging world. I think you posted on LBT with a link when I was still in the insurance approval stage, and I read the entire blog over 2 or 3 days, so excited to find someone else in NYC around my age who was going through it all. It was YOUR blog that inspired me to go out and find other bandster blogs. It was YOUR blog that made me think "Hmm, maybe I should start a blog in this whole process."
ReplyDeleteSo, no...you are most certainly not a lap band loser. If nothing else...you've inspired THIS (aka me) little newbie bandster.
It sounds like you know what you need to do...get back to blogging regularly, even if you have to schedule it in after work, and in between new house stuff. I for one will be thrilled to see more Yana in my Google Reader list.
Wow - I could have wrote a big majority of that post. I'm in the same boat. I've lost about 57 lbs, and seem to be at a standstill and find myself comparing to others. I'm wearing 16s and 18's and almost content right now and I know that's not where I need to be.
ReplyDeleteSuch a game, isn't it? This whole weight-loss thing. Ugh.
Yana, you need to be the best you that you can be... enough said. Try to be kind to yourself instead of hard on yourself-- except that being kind to yourself can't be treating yourself with food.. It's like learning a new way to cope: I'm finding that if I go outside for a few minutes a few times a day it is great stress management. In NYC, you can do the same and walk 4 blocks or so, 5 times a day and voila: a mile!
ReplyDeleteWeekends are usually taken up with my little one-- but you never know about a brunch-- I would love to come to one, one of these days... plan away.
Oh-- and competition-- humbug. Just focus on yourself, this is your journey and no one elses...
I would love to come to a brunch! I don't move into Manhattan until next month, but could definitely get in before that if everyone can come sooner. My email is liz dot faughnan at gmail.
ReplyDeleteOk-so you hit a big milestone here. You are stuck at a weight you were once happy with but now you are ready to take the next step. You know what you need to do--change some of the stuff you are doing (like protein). I totally work the idea you talked about in your post- I seem a little tight but if I really get my act in gear I will lose weight and I won't be too tight (sort of a no pain no gain routine).
ReplyDeleteSo from the pic which might not be representative at all..that drink sitting really close to you needs to go (do you still drink while you eat?) If not..great..if so...lose the liquid girl. It washes your food through faster and allows you to eat more which then nullifies your fill.
If I am totally off base about the liquid pretend I said nothing :)
Thanks for the comment today. Are you going to be in NY in October? I will be there the 21-25 for a conference.
We miss your presence. Everyone matters. Big or small - in blogs or FB - we all started at the same with 0 followers. Keep blogging - for YOU - and commenting for OTHERS....and it'll come.
ReplyDeleteI rhink sometimes we fall off the lap-band life only because it is part of our life now. With the same ups and downs. Even if it takes you ten years to lose more weight, at least it will stay off.
ReplyDeleteIsn't it nice to be able to walk around San Fransciso. It surprised me so much that I can actually go up and down the hills without sweating like a pig. And I hadn't even been walking to prepare. Last night we walked up the huge hill beside our hotel here near Sonoma and it went on and on and on.But we got to the winery and it was easy going down.
My hair falls out even when I eat protein. I don't know why it does and it doesn't want to stop. Hope you get yourself in a good place again. And keep on blogging. We're here!
I sometimes am a bad with my blog especially when things are going on in my life. But I always seem to come back. I try to comment on at least 5-10 blogs whenever I post. Because I too thrive on comments. You are doing awesome.
ReplyDeleteI am also at size 16-18 and my weight has also stopped or slowed down. I really am finding it is a common theme on here. You get to a weight and our bodies get comfortable. So I am really working hard on pushing past this comfort zone.
I too need to get back into the protein scene again.
You have come a long way - the photos are the proof of that! Who cares if there are people who have lost more or lost less than you? It shouldn't be a contest but I know its hard not to see it that way.
ReplyDeleteOnly you can get you back on track. You'll do it. You'll get there.
And I feel you on the hair loss! I am like Sandy Lee, it doesn't matter if I am getting enough protein or not - my hair is getting scary thin!!
are you my secret twin seperated at birth???
ReplyDeleteOMG I totally feel this post.
*I read a lot of blogs, but only comment on a few. I am gunna try and change that cos if i comment, more people might do the same for me
I love the comments from peopel on my blog... so i should reciprocate cos i bet they love my comments on their blogs too.
*I think i am not a popular blogger. I have a couple of die hard fans i know of, because they comment lol, but other than that i dunno.
*I felt like you - only lost 45lbs back in 2008 and thought i was getting nowhere... well look at me now! I gave up and went higher than i have ever evr been in my life. Its because we are living in our lives and dont see the progress we have made. I would give anything for someone to kick my backside and show me how good I had done, rather than console me after not losing mich that week. We are so good at not looking at the bigger picture. I am right back at the start of my journey again - 3 and a half freaking years after banding! I looked today on my www.Livestrong.com calorie goal thing I have gone back to and re-set and it said if I lose 2lbs a week I will be GOAL by 17th Sept 2011. That is my dream. If only I had been where you are now, cos it would then only be 6 months away instead of a year!!!
Hun, you are doing ROASTING!!!!!!!! Look at that photo - you can see a LOT has gone! You look awesome and you are exactly how I was, feeling exactly like I was when I gave up. DONT DO IT!!!!
Forget the shakes, its pants, we all hate it. eat tuna or lentils and beans in enchiladas or other good forms of protein if ya cant handle the meat. Soya beans are tasty and packed with it. Dont worry so much about the protein, just make sure you eat 3 times a day and you have REAL food. (ha ha listen to me - i even have to take that advice too hun trust me!!) a treat now and then aint gunna kill ya or stall your weightloss.
Dont let the obestiy devil sit on your shoulder and kill your enthusiasm.
I am gunna read your blog some more, as I have to admit I read this and heard myself, but we are all here for you
x
bunny
x
It's been less than a year and you've lost 55-60 pounds. AMAZING! That's a significant amount of weight and while it's easy to compare yourself to others, you yourself have accomplished something so major! Dont you just feel drastically different than when you were at your starting weight. in terms of clothes fitting and energy and just getting around nyc? Your before and after pics certainly show a major difference in how you seem to carry yourself! So i say CONGRATULATIONS! And by the way, i was thinking the other day i needed to send you a thank you. I've been wearing the clothes you sent me as a part of the sisterhood and it really helped me out to have nice professional work wear! so thanks again!
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