I'm not really back on track. I'll get there, I know I will...but after Friday and my week of mostly virtuous eating, I really went all out at the World Cup Party/BBQ (let's just say there were mini cupcakes and leave it at that) and simply carried on...a frappachino on Tuesday AND Sunday...an entire (scooped out) bagel today plus a chocolate milk...this is sooooo not good. Now, bear in mind, that bagel took me about 2 hours to eat. And it didn't always feel great. And then I ate a chocolate candy. And the turkey from inside a turkey sandwich. Not enough water. Not enough liquids.
I don't know that it is a matter of a fill...I think this is a double whammy...
See, I just realized something...I am at one of "those points"...I've been this weight before. This is the weight that the smallest of my clothes are...once I lose another 15 lbs, I am in never never land, the place where I was for about 3 weeks in 2000, and not even there for a few years before that...to be a size 14, a real 14...never done it for more than a few weeks since college. And that's a big step. So I am completely sabotaging myself. I am not using the amazing advantage I have of a partner that has a band and is happy to have no junk food in the house and fix healthy hi protein lunches to take to work. I am TOTALLY not exercising, except a little walking where I can fit it in.
I am just constantly exhausted. I am constantly feeling behind. I understand that this is the modern condition, but quite honestly, when I get home at 8 pm from work, the last thing I want to do is work another few hours on my private clients, but I have to do it. And things like making the apartment a nice place to be and cook go by the wayside...my cleaning lady keeps us from being filthy slobs, but I feel like a slob none the less, with piles of clean laundry that get picked through and fall apart and a dining table that is unused because it is piled with my crap...shoes, make up, medicine, bills, clothes...it's my way station.
The cooking...I love to cook, but I have barely been doing it. And when I don't cook, I eat crap. And did you notice the exercise slot in there? Not so much.
So, WHINE! WHINE! WHINE! And yes, I would LOVE some cheese with that!
Getting a lap-band to be healthy and even more gorgeous ;)
Getting a lap-band so as not to let weight decide what I do and how I live my life.
It's ok to whine....we all need to whine once in a while! ;-)
ReplyDeletekeep plugging away-High stress work does not help but you are recognizing it and that is half the battle.
ReplyDeleteEating the begal over two hour period might be problem--there is a point along the way when you have to say this band and all of the money and work is worth giving up some of the comfort food for. There is some rule on the bad list that says eat for no more than 30 minutes and then walk away from the food. You might need to cut that begel and throw the rest away or put it away or something.
Tina
It all sounds too much for you and we all get like that at times...keep at it and try with every step to get to a place that you are happy with....
ReplyDeleteI think you and I are at similar stages in this journey (although I'd much rather be stuck at your current weight). I think some of it is the time...6 months is a tough time for lots of people. You'll get through it (as will I) one day and one pound at a time!!
ReplyDeleteI totally feel you right now especially about almost self sabotaging. The last time I lost a great deal of weight I got down to 205 pounds and this was about 7 years ago. I haven't been anywhere near that number since then until now. I've been fluctuating between 202-205 pounds for WEEKS now and it is by of no fault but myself!
ReplyDeleteWe can get back on track together! :) Keep it up and know that the scale will start moving again!
That IS a scary place and I think the self-sabotage is a totally normal thing to do. As Susan Jeffers says, "Feel the fear, and do it anyway!" You'll get past it!
ReplyDelete