July 25th Food

woke up and then discovered I was late for a funeral.

had one bite of cheese.

after the funeral, on the way to the cemetery, had a grilled cheese flatbread from dunkin donuts, the absolute only option.

after that I went to lunch at red lobster. had 2/3 of the side salad with blue cheese dressing. one cheesy biscuit. ordered shrimp two ways - scampi and friend. They came, I dove in, ate two of each (they weren't big) and then got a little stucky. Waited a while and it passed. I finished the rest of the shrimp, passed on the rice pilaf, and then ate the second biscuit.

And then...a few hours later...I had been craving ice cream. Specifically McDonald's hot fudge sundae. So I went through the drive through. And also got a chicken mcnugget happy meal with real coke AND a hamburger. And 3 cookies. And I came home and ate most of it - left half the fries.

Two small bites of E's ribeye steak, three nibbles of aged gouda cheese, half a scoop of mango basil icy.

WTF!?   I wasn't hungry except for the grilled cheese flatbread. But I just had this day of junkier and junker food. To be fair, we buried a great person today, but I was not personally terribly close to him.

OK, I am getting angry at myself. I knew I would. I was sitting in the drivethrough thinking I am going to have to write about this. I am going to have to put it out there for everyone to read. I will be embarrassed. I will be totally fair game for someone to chide and scold. But I should be chided and scolded! Why did I have this surgery if I am going to eat like this? It wasn't even good food! It was junk!

And...I had gained 4 lbs overnight. I am trying not to think about it, attribute it to bathroom stuckness, but the scale was 232.5 this morning. I hope it has changed tomorrow, but based on what I did today, why should it!? I think that was part of my binge today. The failure has started, so might as well say f*ck it and throw in the towel and eat my heart out. No, I am not doing that, but...I think that was the thinking.

OK, tomorrow is another day. Let's see what happens.