Staying accountable. What I have and haven't done this year.

Guess what? After signing off last night, I had the hardest time going to sleep. I actually woke up before the alarm, all weirded out and anxious. And didn't want to go to yoga. So I tool a really long shower and shaved my legs all pretty and moisturized from head to toe - something I hardly ever do (moisturize, that is, although I could definitely shave more often as well) and decided to think about why I am always, as Drazil wrote about recently, "getting on track" and not so often actually am "on track"...

I made myself a big cup of tea and have been sitting here and sipping it...it's going down real easy. Which is unusual, drinking at 7 am...FYI - red bush chai from trader joe's w half a splenda - zero calories and DELISH! Also, the GERD/reflux whatever has completely vanished. To the point where I can eat a full meal right before bed. Or drink half a glass of water 5 minutes before I lay down. While that's great, I wonder if that means I may be ready for a little fill...I haven't been to the dr in a few months, since August, I believe, because my insurance changed and they no longer cover WLS. I did get aknowledgement that if I had a medical emergency that had to do with the band, that would be covered. But I wonder how much of it would be?

Regardless, I would have totally paid out of pocket to have this surgery. No matter how much I bitch and moan, I've lost about 60 lbs in less than one year, and I feel like a completely normal person, despite weighing about 220 lbs and having about 70-80 lbs to lose to be where I need to be on the charts. I wear a true size 16. I can get my ass into size 14, although it doesn't button yet. I bought large size tank tops from Gap, because the xL was too big. I no longer have to shop in plus sizes. I can wear heels. I lowered my cholesterol by 60 points. I don't worry about what chairs I am sitting on. I can do a 90 minute Bikram yoga class with a few pauses that other people sometimes take as well. I can have my family no longer worrying if I am going to die. My knees and ankles no longer hurt, not does my back every morning. I can eat one slice of pizza and no more. I am no longer the fattest person in the room.

I still have not resolved any of the PCOS issues. I still am at risk for diabetes because of my weight, although I believe it has drastically decreased. I still can't wear designer clothes nor very high or skinny heels. I haven't mastered the art of ignoring chocolate. I can't be trusted around pasta at home, because I will find a way of making it a slider food. I haven't made exercise a consistent part of my routine no matter how busy I am.