I had a really really bad moment this morning.
I got out of the shower, dried off (although my hair was still damp, that's like a pound, right?) and saw the number.
260 lbs.
Wow. That's so bad. That's just a few, literally, below where I was when I HAD SURGERY.
I was bouncing between 238 and 248 for a while, then I got an unfill a few months ago so I stopped aspirating in my sleep and could take my nasty fertility meds without burping nastiness and...I still have QUITE a lot of liquid in my band, no dilation, no slippage, but I have very little restriction.
I had a shake for breakfast today, Vita One 136 calories, 12 g carbs, 15 g protein.
Drinking a bottle of water. Going to take my meds now. Ordered a salad for lunch, another shake as an afternoon snack. Have a dinner date with a friend, but we are going to a place that specializes in organic, light and local foods, with an emphasis on veggies, so I am going to try and keep it healthy.
I made an appointment with Dr. K for a fill. It's on Wednesday.
The important thing is not to panic...
I'm going on my honeymoon in a little over a week. 2 weeks in Sicily. A fat honeymoon. I went shopping because none of my clothing fits anymore and I was buying 18W. WTF?!
I worked so hard and so long for it all to fall apart. Plus I hit some horrible point of fatness/age where my legs have turned from plump but smooth to lumpy and revolting.
I'm ashamed and angry. I'm trying to get pregnant and my weight is not helping. I'm off the artificial sweeteners, btw, because of that. But I'm still smoking from stress and anxiety.
Work is good, but we need to make more money! We've got plenty of work, we just need to become more efficient and productive.
Getting a lap-band to be healthy and even more gorgeous ;)
Getting a lap-band so as not to let weight decide what I do and how I live my life.
Good to hear from you. What's your plan for accountability?
ReplyDeleteI'm gonna blog. I'm gonna be boring and record what I weigh every day and what I eat every day. Do you have any suggestions?
ReplyDeleteHeya! Welcome back! I'm an avid myfitnesspal.com user now. It really helps to see right in front of me what I am intaking. You can do this. It's time to re-commit and remember that if you want a baby, this is going to help sooooo much. Keep up the good fight!
ReplyDeleteHey girly - I really depend on my fitbit and myfitnesspal to keep me in check. Added to your surgical tool, they can really help you make better choices to get more activity (steps) in and balance out your true BMR with the calories you are taking in. I don't believe we're all calories in v calories out, but I do try to keep my calories in below my BMR every day (by quite a lot since I am still losing...almost 4 year after my original surgery)!
ReplyDeleteIt is great to see you active in blogland. You aren't the only one. I got back up to 290 and it was all I could do to keep myself under 300 until I could get my revision.