You guys must be tired of every blog post complaining how I'm not losing, but I'm not trying, I'm not blogging, but I WILL TRY NOW!
Yeah, I kinda suck.
I had my last fill almost three weeks ago. Guess how much I've lost? NOTHING! Guess what I ate for lunch today? Chicken francaise and penne a la vodka, about 2/3 of a portion and one garlic knot from Sbarros! Isn't that gross? It's not even good!
None of the beautiful new clothes I bought this spring fit me. I feel like such a schmulp. I bought cotton skirts at Old Navy because I have nothing to wear. I gave away my fatter clothes and now that I am fatter again...
I'm up 25 pounds from my low. And I hate it. And I don't know how to fix it. I think I PB'd twice, but mostly I take it nice and easy and eat my little heart out. I mean, with some restriction, but I guess I was only loosing when I was pretty tight. And I have a tiny bit of reflux, not of food, but if I sleep on my stomache sometimes I wake up having swallowed a little saliva, and that's not good.
Other than that, I ate half a cookie bar, a pretzel rod and two Twizzlers. Oh, and I tried to drink a protein shake this morning but it was too gross, so I ate the cookie instead.
Am considering pre-op again, to kick my ass. Or dropping sugar COLD. Or the gym. Or back to yoga somehow. OR OR OR!!!
Getting a lap-band to be healthy and even more gorgeous ;)
Getting a lap-band so as not to let weight decide what I do and how I live my life.
Go back to Dr. Kurian again! Obviously, if you're able to eat pasta and chicken that is flour breaded and a garlic not, you're not optimally restricted. Stop the guilt and blame of yourself!!!
ReplyDeleteI know it is hard to go back in there and admit 'defeat'-- I had to do it yesterday.. and I felt ashamed, like I couldn't control myself.
But you know what: my health and my weight loss are more important than any shame I could feel and that is why I got the band in the first place.
The other thing, which you've been talking about, is that you might want to check out seeing a therapist-- you're clearly having a lot of stresses in your life, and eating is an escape route. If you could talk through some of the life stresses, the eating might be easier to control. I speak from my own experience-- so who knows... but just to be clear: I virtually NEVER discuss my band with my therapist. It is just not an issue for me-- but I do discuss all of the other stresses of my life and I think that getting those off my chest helps with diminishing what otherwise might be comfort or stress eating.
Hope this helps. Just remember the old Japanese proverb: "Fall seven times, get up eight." Don't give up.
you go get that fill girl! You got this band to help you out- not to struggle and try and fail becasue it isn't helping you! I hope you will go in and find that sweet spot and start feeling better. Once you do start losing again it really pumps up your mojo and keeps you going. I'm thinking of you :) Keep blogging (I hope I don't sound jerky, I'm trying to be a cheerleader).
ReplyDeleteI don't think Dinnerland or Jen could have said it any better.........what are you waiting for??
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This will only work if you change a little on both fronts. Change what you do and stay on top of the fills. The fills are partially to help you with hunger and partially to force changes. If you are not doing your part you will be doomed to fail. I know you can do it!! Treat it like law school :) One assignment at a time one test at a time.
ReplyDeletexxxooo
I can completely relate. I went down that slippery slope, eating from stress or habit or whatnot. What about the NYU band support groups?
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